Courting christian dating
Courting christian dating
The truth is, different personalities need different approaches to relationships. My only problem comes, then, with how “Dating” gets compared to “Courtship” in such a flawed and negative way. I thought that was old news, that we’d laid to rest the “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” era and moved on to new topics. Maybe you’ve noticed, but the Courtship movement has recently received some major attention from both national television and recent entertainment. I am not putting down the concept of courtship, and I never will.
For many years, I was taught that “Dating” was the enemy.
That it was “practice for divorce.” That it was for people who weren’t “waiting on God” but rather taking life into their own hands. I was a young woman who wanted to please God with all of my heart. But eventually, I learned that there WAS a way to honor God in my relationships with the opposite sex, and it didn’t necessarily involve side-hugs, chaperones, a commitment to marriage before the first date, or even the no-kissing-before-marriage rule (though these are all fine goals to have so long as God puts them on your heart! What I am saying here, is that maybe churches need to stop pushing courtship or certain ways of dating and consider that there are truly other ways to honor God in relationships.
And so, for a time, those Courtship scare-tactics totally worked! Here’s why: Just like different personalities respond to different kinds of music, food, hobbies and career goals—we’re all wired to respond differently to relationships.
For many years, I didn’t date at all, partly because I wanted to be in God’s will, but mostly because I was terrified of relationships! Some of us thrive under strict rules, regulations and expectations; while others of us implode, rebel or feel paralyzed under the weight of the confinement.
All that to say is that there is no cookie-cutter answer for relationships.
As long as we stick to God’s principles and deal with one another in a God-honoring way, we have the freedom to pursue relationships in the way that works best for each of us.
Sometimes courtship is presented as the “best way to do relationships,” but I don’t think that’s true.
Because no matter how you look at it, one person’s pro is another person’s con.
The pros found in the security of “moving only toward marriage” are the potential cons of premature emotional entanglement and potentially devastating heartbreak when things don’t pan out as planned.
The pros found in the safety of zero physical intimacy before marriage are the potential cons of guilt, shame and awkwardness in sexuality after marriage.
The pros of extremely involved family and friends in courtship are the potential cons of a lack of boundaries within marriage.
For each pro, there is a potential con depending on who you are and how you approach relationships.